It has taken 50 years

At the age of 11 I was sent to a boarding school run by the Order of Francis Xavier in Sussex. Over the following five years I was recieved mental, physical and slight sexual abuse. Slight sexual abuse? Sounds crazy, yet I use that to qualify the abuse; I was never raped, felt, made to strip, and asked to masturbate. Not so slight when looking back.
It has taken fifty years to finally get this down on record and is still gut-renchingly difficult to do so, I have been promted to do so by my partner and the news that people in Jersey are finally coming forward. For years I thought I was alone. I am not even sure whether this site is the best place for me to cataloque the events that took place.
The school was run by a cult of fear. The first year we would be beaten quite regularly for the most trivial of reasons, some children more than others, I now realise that we were targeted as the more vunerable. I was a shy child who had been trust into a world I was afraid of.
Who did what?
Brother 1 (can I name them? I would like to) An American who was the 2nd form master. Vicious and totally unloving, he would carry a small rod from the back of one of those high 'teacher chairs' to hit you with....shoes not clean, tie not straight....poor French prep work would mean being beaten to tears in front of the class. He particularly had a dislike for me and another boy Simon, when distributing mail from home he would hold ours back and then rip them up in front of us. This was our only link with the outside world, as juniors we were allowed no radios, newspapers or phone calls. Any item that we had to remind us of home had to be hidden from him somehow as it would be confiscated. He seemed to run the senior prefects in the two years that he was there, these were the school bullies, another chapter could be written about them.
Brother 2. In charge of the Junior dormitorys as well as a teacher. You would be sommonded to his room at the end of the dormiory...I was fondled and made to masturbate in front of him. He show us photos of sortsmen and say that this was the body that we should aspire to. Then I would be caned for 'this gross sin against God' It was he that had the bizarre punishments. I was made to kneel at the altar steps for long periods with dried peas under my knees on the hard marble. Another was to stand with arms outstretched and heavy bibles in each hand. All these were accompanied with verbal accusations of how unworthy we were.
Brother 3. The head master . A vivious little Scotsman whose use of the cane was a sort of ledgend, to be even threatened to be sent to his office would chill us. It was not done to cry but not many survived a visit dry eyed.
There were others and I have no doubt that some boys were treated worst than I was. Quite often there would be non returns at the beginning of term and looking back I now realise that these were all the vunerable children.
It seems silly to admit they I was too scared to say anything to my parents, I wish to God I had, whether I would have been believed is another thing.

I can't imagine how difficult this must have been for you. You should be proud that you have spoken out; you are not alone. It seems to me that communication is an important step to reducing the stigma situation that exists in the UK, so you have done a good thing.

Joe

Thank you for posting your story.
You're probably not on these forums anymore, as I've noticed they're a bit vacant. But anyway I will still leave you a message.
I popped in here because I have just had a knock back from a child abuse solicitor. This knockback, although polite, is yet another time limit waster.
You've been all through that and finally plucked up the courage to reveal the unsavoury characters that ruin the lives of other people while being held up in undeserved high esteem by the rest of society. Well done!
My story is not about me, but about a child who was ready to speak out when only 5-6 years of age against her mothers then boyfriend. Yet was ignored by child protection, even shut up, to the point of that child choosing to block out the memories. The child is now 14 years of age and suffering from the emotional signs of abuse(constantly bathing, pulling hairs out obsessively etc., etc.) I've already had two teenagers, this one is on constant edge nothing like a normal teenager. But alas! There is no proof, because the authorities at the time did their best to stop a full examination(I've no idea why). Now I have a situation where a solicitor won't take the child on because the 14 year old is not ready to go there now. Yet as far as I can see she needs help now, and you can only get that when you have the funds. These children that are suspected of being the victims of child sexual abuse need immediate healing. Not years later when the damage has been festering for such a long time that it grows into a much bigger health problem. And just as important, the officials that turn a blind eye to child sexual abusers, and even help them, like in this childs case. Need to be brought to book when they interfere with the course of Justice for the sake of the abuser, to halt the process of more tots being put in mental turmoil.
This child claimed that her mothers boyfriend wiped her bottom 14 times, and said that she bled. This child of 6 claimed that her mothers boyfriend told her that a cow came into his bedroom at night licked him.(this was while he was bathing her). But! she exclaimed...he never touched me anywhere...I was shocked because she was telling me something that I never asked for. This child said my stupid mother leaves me with him.
This child wasn't believed, because the authorities made a decision to do their utmost to keep it covered. Instead of getting the child immediate help. She suffered a whole year with him before we finally got the courts to set her free.